Burnin' Love

I don't know if he was practicing Santeria, praying to some icon, trying to disguise a fart, or, more than likely attempting to set a romantic mood. About a year ago, while relocating, he was a guest here for about six months. Amiable enough, and he enjoyed a reputation with the bell man and valet drivers of being a good tipper.
He called the front desk at about three in the morning and simply said " There is an alarm going off in my room"
I get to his room and knock on the door. When he opens the door it's readily apparent that there had been a fire in the room. The alarm he heard was the smoke detector. The pillow is still smoldering. The top of the nightstand looks like a fireplace log. The singed down comforter and the sheets are in a heap on the floor. The carpet is burned. He has a first degree burn on his inner right thigh. He declines any first aid for it.
I asked him what happened.
He said he lit a tea light and placed it on the nightstand.
" I must have fell asleep" he said. "When I woke up the pillow was on fire"
"I tried to smother the flames with the pillow, but then the pillow started to burn and drip fire on the carpet" he continued
I wondered where the girl was.
He's going on, he took the sheets off the bed, blah blah. He's stomping on the carpet to put out flames.
I'm taking pictures of the damage to the room, his thigh, the linen, the furniture, the mattress, the Laura Ashley purse, the panty liner strip in the trashcan. All the time wondering where is the girl.
After telling him he would be charged for the damages, he was moved to another room.
The girl?
She was out driving waiting for him to call her on her cell. Prior to calling the front desk he called Valet to have one of the two cars on his room account brought to the front drive. Her car. She drove around for forty minutes. He gets relocated to another room in the hotel. He calls, or texts her with the new room number. She drives back to the hotel gives her keys to the valet driver and goes to the new room.
Cost of Room: $289.00
Valet Parking for two cars $40.00
Mini Bar Refreshments $32.00
Damage to room/linen $520.84
Playing with fire can lead to one expensive tryst:
Total $881.84.